there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
