apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
