I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
