Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
