Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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