just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
