I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
