I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
