whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
