Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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