Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
