remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
