I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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