His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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