So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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