Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
