Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Still dying that you shit outside
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
