I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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