Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
