My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
