Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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