Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
