i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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