3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
