I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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