Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
