He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
