Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
