i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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