i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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