currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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