Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
