You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
