dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
