I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I need to stop coming to work sober
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
