you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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