I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
