So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
