Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
