If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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