Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she looked like the before picture.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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