Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
