you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
