Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hippo gnu deer
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
