It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
