WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
