He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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