i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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