I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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