i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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