i love accidental penises.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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