Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
