season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
